The Rise Of Trad Wives

A trad wife—a shortened term for traditional wife—is a woman who practices and believes in traditional gender roles that have dominated our society for generations, sharing their lifestyle on social media. They often leave their careers to be stay-at-home moms or wives, caring for the house and children, as tradition dictates.

But they aren’t typical stay-at-home moms. They’re eerily perfect. There’s no spit-up on their cashmere sweaters, and they manage to make organic Oreos from scratch, all while keeping their curls bouncy and perfect. Their makeup doesn’t even smudge as they smile under the ring light, waving to the cameras. In fact, they might be the perfect woman straight out of a 1950s sitcom. 

The rise of the “Trad Wives” movement on TikTok comes from nostalgia for another time, deemed to be more simple and understanding. And as the economy is worsening and debts are getting deeper for everyone, such simplicity holds a certain appeal. What’s wrong with being at home and doing all the chores if it means you can leave the finances to someone else?

The trad wives movement is a place where women advocate for the return to traditional gender roles by making videos glorifying female domesticity and submission, romanticizing a darker past and the complex nature of being a traditional wife. 

Being a traditional wife is difficult and, frankly, messy. The average stay-at-home wife is always taking care of someone, whether it be her children or her husband. All her emotional and physical energy is used up, often without any reception. It’s a combination of a few hours of sleep, long bills, messy rooms, weird stains on your clothes, and buckets and buckets of laundry. 

This trend on social media doesn’t highlight the dangers of being 100% financially reliant on another person. Research indicates that financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases, making it that much harder for victims to leave their abusers. These popular trad wife influencers often come from wealthy backgrounds, while the average stay-at-home mom or wife does not.

This ideal of the trad wife created on social media is unattainable and unrealistic unless you are at a level of wealth where you can hire maids and nannies to do all the hard work. Women like Nara Smith and Hannah Neeleman, who make videos of themselves making granola bars from scratch and promoting it as traditional gender roles, are atypical and not representative of how an average stay-at-home mom lives.

The rise of this trend came on the heels of easily digestible forms of feminism—perfectly packaged for mass markets—like “Girl Boss!” and “Feminine Energy.” While this new movement is a sharp turnaround from recent trends in social media circles, the trad wives movement is just another form of that—easily digestible “feminism” that places women in superficial boxes.

There are many reasons why trad wives specifically have gotten such a hold: for one, education and careers don’t seem to have the safety net they once did. The economy is going down the drain and the world is getting more and more expensive. And even if you grin through it all, you still have to deal with workplace harassment, debts, and a hundred more problems. I mean, you can’t blame a girl for wishing for an easy solution. 

The failure of the “Girl Boss” movement and the realization that we can’t do it all only pushes people the opposite way. After all, men don’t even do it all; women do half of the work for them in terms of childcare, housework, emotional support, etc. Joining the boy’s club is miserable work—doing twice the amount of work for half the credit, and once you’re in, you kind of wish you weren’t. The dose of sexism that comes with climbing up the ladder still remains at the top level, along with being overworked and unappreciated. With all the girl boss failures (think Elizabeth Holmes, Sophia Amoruso, Christene Barberich, etc.), it’s no surprise people are taking it as a warning. 

And finally, it just looks really aesthetically pleasing on TikTok. And let’s be honest, the better you are at glorifying it, the more people will love it.

Now, I don’t want anyone to think I’m slamming on women who decide to follow more traditional lifestyles. My mother was both a stay-at-home mom and a working woman, and I can tell you that she absolutely prefers being a stay-at-home mom. Women like her are intelligent and hardworking and the backbone of their families and communities. 

My issue is people glorifying traditional gender roles and promoting stricter conservative values that often eliminate the opportunity for women to choose their paths. While there are influencers who are welcoming or apolitical, most are often heavily conservative. For example, Estee Willams questioned if women should go to college, and Abby Roth’s most popular video is of saying, “Conservative women: it’s our time,” and, “Let’s take the culture back.” This romanticization of gender roles and turning the clock back on women’s right to choose what they want to do is what concerns me. That, along with many young girls thinking that these unrealistic standards of the perfect 1950s housewife with not a hair out of place is a possible dream. 

Being a stay-at-home mom or wife is a job within itself. It’s unpaid labor, often unappreciated and ignored by your family and society. It can be rewarding and fulfilling, but it certainly is nothing like what those perfectly curated videos on TikTok show you. Those videos, while fun to watch, are inaccurate and often lead to many mothers feeling like failures when they struggle to juggle all of their responsibilities perfectly.

If you choose to go a more traditional route, you should go with your eyes open and be prepared instead of thinking that your life is going to be like Nara Smith's because I assure you, it won’t.