We’ve all been through heartbreak at some point in our lives, right? Heartbreak is hard to go through and understand, so we eventually move on, but that comes with challenges. Think about the stages of heartbreak we as human beings go through. As we know, we end up going through most experiences we have in stages. Some effects of heartbreak maybe dejection and rage. These feelings can be increased because of Covid. Having to quarantine and distance ourselves from others to ensure safety can increase feelings of heartbreak and lead to depression because we’ve been locked away at home not being able to physically see someone. Not having physical communication can also have the effects of not being able to chat properly, including online contact.
1) What are the Possible Effects of Heartbreak?
-DENIAL
-Not wanting to believe something has happened, also not wanting to believe it’s happened to you personally
- Ex: Breakup: “They’ve been gone for so long, but they’ll be here any day now”
-RAGE/ANGER
-Being in a state of mind where your partner should regret leaving you, so you get angered by it
-In the state of creating scenarios of “What if’s and If only’s/ Maybe if’s” to try and see the relationship in another view before the breakup, and how you could have changed that/ something from happening
-Ex: Breakup: “If only I was more attentive to my partner, we would still be together” “Maybe if I took them out more-”
-DEPRESSION
-This stage of where you want to be alone and go through the problem yourself without talking to anyone about it
-Ex: Breakup: “Why even give my time to another?” “What’s the point of being with someone that could hurt me again?”
-ACCEPTANCE
-The state of coming to see how something has affected you even though there maybe some bad but overall you see the good
-Ex: Breakup: “This was a good learning experience for me, now I know what to do and how to change for the next time”
Now that you're aware of the effects of breakup/heartbreak in a regular year, now I’ll explain how this has increased during the pandemic. Since the start of March 2020, we’ve been in a pandemic, meaning we’ve been closed off to the outside beyond our homes. For example, I’ve been home for a long time so when there were available times to go out with family and friends, I’ve been quiet/closed off as well as chatting online because my mind has gotten used to not interacting with people for months. It’s as if I forgot all means of communication. So being in relationships has made it harder to communicate because even though we have phones, laptops, and other devices, expressing feelings is difficult even with emojis/emotes.
Since communication is key to a relationship and it’s the most major thing during the pandemic. So without proper communication, it means improper relationships. What is the feeling of going through breakups during these times? Overall, it can feel like a double dose of grief. Because you’re dealing with the stress of the pandemic and then on top of that you have the feeling of vulnerability, it is more likely to make breakups more intense than normal.
3) What can You do to Change?
-WHAT CAN BE DONE TO BRING YOU OUT OF THESE FEELINGS?
-Asking for Advice:
-Reach out to others. If you need to talk, be the one to open up, don't wait for friends to ask you. Make the first move, Say to your loved ones, “Hey I don’t know if you heard but…” or “I need advice, me and __ broke up, how do I deal with this?”
BE KIND/UNDERSTANDING TO YOURSELF:
-Don’t be hard on yourself by putting labels on yourself and talking about yourself in negative ways. Talk to yourself positively like how you would talk to someone close to you. Say to yourself, “I know this happened but bigger things are happening right now” or “I should take this time to work on myself and to better myself.”
TAKING A BREAK:
-Don’t communicate with that person anymore to keep from bringing back any triggers you may have from them and the relationship. This is to help you heal from that relationship. You can also block that person so that you cannot contact each other. Say to yourself, “Okay let me not go back to my habits, it’s time to block them for my improvement.”
DISTRACTING YOURSELF:
-Find something to distract your mind like hobbies, tasks, or something you’ve been meaning to get to. You can also travel, go shop, listen to music, go hang out with friends and family. Do things to keep you worried about yourself, “I should go out for a walk today.” “What do I like?, What are my interests?” This will bring up your spirits and attitude.
-SOOTHE YOURSELF:
-Try doing things to soothe yourself from negative thoughts by hugging yourself/pillow etc, giving yourself good affirmations, and participating in self-care (fixing attitude, working out, cleaning up, treating yourself, etc.). You need to do all the things you can to improve yourself from within, and so then you’ll start to see improvement without. Once that happens people will start to see the positivity that radiates from your personality.
Overall, to grow from a breakup give yourself time to heal and work on yourself. If you need to be alone and think, go and do it. If you need to spend time thinking about what makes you happy, do it. Don’t pressure yourself about things you can’t change. You should think about what you can do to change yourself from the inside and it will show on the outside. Find yourself by asking “What makes you different?” and “What do you like about yourself?” Embrace your unique qualities for others to embrace them. If you have confidence in yourself and learn to love yourself, you’ll be able to love others well. Lastly, open up to your friends and family. If you can talk to them about things like this or other things that impact you, your relationships will grow and you’ll be able to do that with anyone that you are in a relationship with. Building trusting relationships is a major thing to also work on so that any relationship you have is trustworthy and strong. Don’t rush because growth takes time and when you start to see your amazing qualities others will start to notice as well.
